By something, someone, any thing... I long for something totally awesome to happen... something good. I'm tired of tears, heartache and heartbreak, frustration, complaining (my own), longing, and I'm just tired in general.
I don't want anyone to think that I don't count my blessings, I know them all to well. There is just this feeling, a knowing in my inner self that there is something better, something more... I just don't know how long one is supposed to hold on before they can't anymore. Maybe your not supposed to hold on forever. Maybe your supposed to fall so you can be truly held and find the peace that passed all understanding. I don't know... It's hard to let go, it's even scary... really scary.
Yes you could say I'm having a hard day... days, weeks, months, years... *smiling a wobbly smile*
I don't know what you are going though but I do hope you find the strength to go on and do what needs to be done. It isn't always easy, but just like jumping into coolwater, normally the jumping is the hardest part.
ReplyDeleteSara, I so understand. I try to maintain as cheerful a countenance as I can come up with, but although we aren't facing quite the same situation as your family, the first week in April is going to offer us a financial challenge that we probably won't be able to meet as things stand now. I get through the days all right. I sleep for a few hours at night..then I wake up...I don't know what the future holds, and taking one day at a time and enjoying it when you know you are facing something you have no ideas for dealing with just sucks the joy out of everything. I pray for you and wish I could help in some tangible way.
ReplyDeleteOh, Sara, I wish I really could give you some inspiration, but the best I can do is say, "I understand." I went through an equally trying time that lasted for several years. In fact, the situation is still the same even now. The only thing that's changed is my ability to deal with it, and that didn't happen in an instant.
ReplyDeleteAs trite as it sounds, I finally just gave it all to God and said, "I can't deal with this anymore. I can't change things. I quit." And I did. I quit trying to change the situation, and just asked God to help me learn how to deal with it. And He did.
In the eternal view of things this time in your life is only a heartbeat, even though it feels like it's gone on forever. Here's a promise that helped me, and that I've found to be true:
After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. (1 Peter 5:10)
You're in my prayers, friend.