Sunday, January 25, 2015
I'm missing my girl something awful. It would almost be easier if she had crossed the rainbow bridge. However I had to give her up to a rescue. She will be better off with a family who can love and spoil her, let her be with them, run in a fenced in yard, play... LIVE life of a cable and neighbors thinking she's a bearing and now starting to fire warning shots at her. I have never been in a area of more idiots than I am now. Maybe I have but had more tolerance of it.
I wasn't able to do this. As I wasn't allowed to have her with me because she didn't have house manners... now HOW in the HELL can she learn to have manners if I can't teach while she's upstairs??? Other people called her bad, FOR BEING WHAT SHE AND HER BREED DOES!!! OH and she was mean and would hurt people. There wasn't a mean bone in her body!!! The constant you need to shock her with a shock collar, you need to have a pen (I WANTED A DANGED PEN!!!!) but where ever it would have gone would have been in peoples way. Or spooked a certain horse.
God forbid she would come in contact with other certain people, she might brush up against them and cause lord only knows what kind of damage.
The last straw was when she was bored and pulled on a water hose that was attached to the hydrant that got pulled from the wall. was there water running all over the barn? NO, was the pipe cracked? NO, was it her fault that the hose got left where she could reach it? NO but oh the swearing and hype over an easy fix. But I was blamed and she was blamed. And so I got her to a place that would find her a home where she wouldn't be hit and taunted by others. That's how you teach a dog.
Sorry I don't believe in being cruel or hitting a dog to make them mind. And you can't make others listen, at least I can't. Besides I'm just the idiot. The idiot who lives with a man who doesn't like dogs, and I'm a person who can't (I do but it kills me inside) live without them.
I guess when I have a dog to love it makes me forget I can't have children. And that ache dulls when I have a dog to pour my love into. Sochi was the only thing in my life that didn't make me feel bad or ugly for being over weight, she never complained, never made fat jokes...
I've never in my life so bad about myself as I do now. I just want my baby back, and I can't. It would be selfish of me and I know it. I can't grieve about her being gone when a certain person is around. It's not allowed. So I cry in the shower, in the middle of the night, or when he is gone. My heart is so heavy...